Howdy, folks, and welcome back! Previously, on Attack of the Saiyans, we defeated Princess Snake and finished our journey down Snake Way. Today, we're meeting King Kai, so let's head out.



Well, what a quaint looking place.





Goku, you alright? Maybe you just landed funny, pulled a muscle or something.



Or there's something weird about this planet. Okay. It is in Otherworld; it can't be expected to be normal.



Perhaps King Kai is a moleman, and he trains fighters under the ground. Including that pop-out-and-leave-a-silhouette attack that the moles in Mario have.



If nothing else, Superman can't use his X-Ray vision on us. There's always that.



Eh?



Is...Is that a monkey?





Holy balls, it is a monkey.



Now, Goku, don't go knocking monkeys. You, of all people, should know the shit they can cause.





Well, the monkey is a man simian of few words.



I...I don't know if he's acting aggressive or not. I'm not versed in monkey-speak.



It's not like [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_Kung_FuMonkey Style[/url] isn't a thing. I bet those Saiyans wouldn't see that coming.



Just as long as there's not a poo-flinging Ki-blast, I think we'll be okay.



: Oo-oo! Oo-oo-aa!

: Oo-oo....! Oo-oo-aa...!!



Hmm? Who's the funny blue feller over there?



: Huh?





: Hee hee...



Oh, so, we found the guy on this planet with some sort of rash. Fantastic.



...What?



Son of a bitch! 



If nothing else, we've finally found King Kai. I...I don't know how he's going to train us.



: That's my pet, Bubbles.

: Hah hah...I thought a monkey being King Kai seemed strange...

: You're the strange one. Anyway, what'd you think of my joke? Pretty hilarious, right? You can laugh if you want to!

: Huh? What joke?



Oh, King Kai, don't be sad. Someone who doesn't know any better will find it funny.



And he pops back pretty quickly. He knows how hard it can be to try comedy.



...Please no.



Buzz Buzz? Is Goku one of the chosen ones?







Maybe this is Hell.



: Oh! I came to train under you, King Kai!

: Well then, go home! Anyone who doesn't laugh at jokes that funny has a bad sense of humor! I'm not training someone like that!



Had I been King Kai here, that sudden switch in expression would have scared the everliving shit out of me.



And I might have punched him in the nads for trying so obviously to fool me.



If Geop were reading this thread, I'm sure I'd be asking him if he ever feels this way.



We're probably running low on time until the Saiyans arrive. Goku had to take the initial quarter trip through Snakeway, the 150,000 miles, fuck around in Hell for a while (who knows how long that actually took), then make his way from the beginning to Princess Snake's place, which was some long distance, and then finish the trip; he's gone at least 750,000 miles, fought out of Hell, and beat up the winner of the Otherworld beauty pageant and her horrific snake form.

So, if Goku seems a little brusque about this, it's understandable.



We gotta beat you up? Because we can do that.



...Oh. We've gotta make him laugh?



Well, okay, I'm sure we can figure something out.



Alright, thread participation time! 



Coming up, we're going to have some choices to make; we've got to construct a joke to make King Kai laugh. This is actually pretty important.



Depending on the joke we make, our training will either go very well or a little rough. If we make the best joke possible, we'll get a metric fucking TONNE of EXP and AP. The worse we do, the less EXP and AP we'll get. So, this update is going to end--



Goku, you crazy bastard, no!







We've failed the Earth and all of our friends...





...Oh, Guess not.



I...I don't even--Ugh.



: All right. I'll train you. I'll teach you the funniest joke ever!

: I don't wanna learn jokes, I wanna learn martial arts!

: Oh, martial arts, huh... OK. Try coming at me. Let's see what you've got.

: I would but it's weird. It's so hard to move here. My body feels so heavy...

: Where'd you come from? Earth?



Coming up is what'll become one of the biggest training things in the rest of the series.



Hey, if there's a physics goon reading, is that possible?



Ten times that of Earth? Holy balls.



For reference, I'd weigh over a ton on King Kai's planet. As would most of the people browsing the sub-forum.





Hey, wouldn't a jump (and Goku's landing) more than likely break Goku's legs? Among other things and bad breaks?







The scale isn't so great here, so I can't tell if that's a weak jump or a really good one.



Thankfully, King Kai is here to let us know it was, in fact, a good jump.





His rigorous training under gravity ten times that of Earth has begun!



: I don't know how long it took me to get here, so I don't know...I don't think I have much time. The Saiyans are on their way to Earth to take over...So, I'd like you to train me until they get here.

: Saiyans, huh? You've made some formidable enemies...Let me check how long until they reach Earth for you...



King Kai has telepathic powers, by the way. And some other powers. And apparently he can black and white the screen at will.



: 158 more days.



Never mind that we have less than six months, nearly only five months, to train to become strong enough to overcome these Saiyans, right, Goku?



Hey, there we go, it sinks in.



Well...I guess, maybe. I mean, King Kai is supposed to be this amazing teacher, so maybe five months and some change is enough.



Shut up, Goku, I'm trying to stay positive.



...Well, holy balls, that's a pretty good training program.



: But even with the training, there's no guarantee you'll win against the Saiyans. Those Saiyans possess terrible power. Power even greater than my own.



King Kai has a power level of 3,500, as per the Dragon Ball Wiki. It's pretty safe to assume if I'm giving specific information like that, I got it from the DB Wiki.



: If you do not, it is hopeless. Well then, let's begin. Hey! Bubbles!



...So we're going to start by beating up a monkey.

Okay.



Oh, by imitating Bubbles, like we started--



Catching Bubbles? That normally wouldn't be so hard, but in ten times gravity...





And Bubbles runs off, ready to be caught.



Alright, let's go catch Bubbles.



Next update. We'll take a break for now.

Stay tuned, folks, for the next update is going to be action packed!

Part 28 | Part 30